Why Agreeing to Disagree is Not an Option for Many of Us
An enormous amount of relationship and family ties have recently been severed over “differing political opinions.” Why? We should all be mature enough to agree to disagree, right?
Unless you live under a rock, chances are you have read or heard belittling, dismissive or even hateful remarks regarding the Women’s March on Washington, or any number of other resistive measures. These remarks can feel very personal to those of us pouring our energy into organizing and resisting, especially when the source of the remark is a loved one. Even when the remark does not originate from the mouth of the loved one, sharing or retweeting an insulting article or video can cut just as deep.
But everyone is entitled to their opinion, right? Why do some people take politics so personally?
This is a story that was shared by one of our local chapter members. She is a survivor of rape and domestic violence, and a former firefighter. She describes discrimination as a fire that cannot be escaped:
“Being raped and/or abused makes one feel acutely powerless, helpless and unsafe. When one reaches out for help and the authorities- even the written law- refuse to help, take you seriously, or even believe you, it brings those acute feelings to a much deeper level. That part of the trauma never ends. It's like escaping a burning building only to find that the whole world is on fire. There is nowhere to run and nowhere to feel safe.
For years I wanted so badly to fix the injustices I faced and fight for women's rights, but I literally couldn't even think about those injustices without re-experiencing the emotional trauma. The gravity of the problem was overwhelming and the helplessness was paralyzing. I essentially just hid in my fireproof gear as the world burned around me, and I didn't move. I was lucky to have my gear and tried to focus only on survival.
On November 8, 2016 the world was doused in gasoline and I could no longer hide. Everywhere I looked I was reminded that my government does not protect me and that I am helpless. I have been yo-yo-ing in and out of fight-or-flight mode ever since.
When I first heard about the Women’s March, I felt like someone handed me a fire hose, and millions of other women in fire gear joined me to help put out the fire that is consuming our world. I now have hope, but it requires that I finally face the flames. When I hear or read someone belittling our fight it’s as if they are squirting little bits of gasoline my way.
I have the tools and help that I need. I am ready and I am ok; but it's still hot as hell and I have to work every day to make sure that I remain ok and don't get burned.”
This is the reality in which many marchers live.
Remember that groups are made up of individual people. When broad, generalized statements are made toward a group they are really being made toward many individual people. Those individuals are entitled to take those statements personally.
Human dignity is NOT a matter of political opinion. It is non-partisan and no group holds the monopoly on its application.
I urge everyone to mentally walk a mile in the shoes of the oppressed. If our executive government was actively trying to kick you out of your home based on what church you attend would activism on your behalf be such a bother? If your children were afraid of being killed by people in uniform would you want the world to listen to their plight? If the marriage upon which you built your family was labeled disgusting and perverted would you not demand to be treated with respect? If someone raped, or violated you in any way, would you want the law to protect you?
These “political issues” are real struggles being faced by real people- not a page in a history book or a conversation in a TV news room. Furthermore, these things are occurring because you and I have allowed them - UNTIL NOW.
To those who still think this whole thing is just a stupid waste of time:
I get it. You’ve never been personally subjected to the depravity of our government so you can’t fathom its depth. Thank goodness. You don’t have to share our outrage and you certainly don’t have to join us. But for gods’ sake stop working against us.
Stop demanding tolerance for intolerance.
You have nothing to lose by the preservation of human dignity; and you have everything to lose if you ever find yourself on the other side of the social privilege that we are working to deconstruct.
Find local support and resources for survivors of rape and domestic violence here: The Center for Sexual Assault Survivors
